Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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