mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
