the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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