I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
