I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
