you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
