i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
