Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
