So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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