oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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