office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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