We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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