he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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