im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
