Acid is not a monday night drug
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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