i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
