I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
