I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is Oprah even human
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