Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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