I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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