Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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