My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
