Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
