D3 body, D1 cock
We named our party play list daddy issues
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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