Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize