I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
