I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
