My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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