i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
