I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
