my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
