The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
