there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
