a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This is the high leading the old right now
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
