I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
