my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
In America we eat man semen.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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