I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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