We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
