My sheets look like a crime scene.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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