I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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