I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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