i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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