4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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