the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives