Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
