The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?