If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."