Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
