I cannot find my penis.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am mentally ready for anal.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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