why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
