I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
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I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
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Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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