I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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