no, he came in my armpit
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
