I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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