Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
