she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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