Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
