He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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