3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
