Already got asked if we're dating
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
