You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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