please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
