btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
