I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
