made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
