its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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