I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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