Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
