the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
