Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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