I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
