"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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