She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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