I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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