if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He felt like a one man threesome
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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