a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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