No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
