Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
