so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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