If that was your dad, he is hot
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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