My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
