How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
