I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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