check it out our google latitudes are spooning
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
